Living Life… Wackbards

I don’t want to be one of those people that ends their life never having experienced anything out of the ordinary. I find myself to be a very extraordinary person, living a very ordinary life. I live in fear that I will never accomplish any of my dreams, either 1. because of money issues, or 2. because I have a child.

To the people who feel the same way as I do about their lives: STOP! I have recently learned (er… taught myself) that money doesn’t control your life. And neither does your child, to an extent. You CAN have a life of your own, even if you have a child. You don’t have to lose your personality just to dedicate your whole being to them. And money? Yeah, we’re in the hole. It’s rough. It’s really rough – I won’t sugar coat it. Obviously I won’t share details because that’s personal, but I’ve learned that even through several annoying phone calls per day, I can still sit down in the evening with my family and genuinely enjoy the way my life is… because I have loving people around me. I was pretty down for a while, but I’m not going to let it control me anymore. I can see the light at the end of the tunnel and as long as I keep my eye on what really matters (aforementioned love & family), we’ll get through this & make it to bigger, better things.

Now, Tiegan is my whole life. I love spending time with her, and I want to be involved in everything she does. But when people ask who her mommy is, I don’t want her answer to be, “I don’t know… she’s just… my mommy.” I also want her to know me as a photographer; an artist. As daddy’s loving wife. The woman that encourages her family to reach for their dreams. Right now, I kinda feel like “just mommy.”

I’m slowly evacuating my shell, though. And I want all you other hermits out there to try the same thing. We are at a crossroad in our lives – we have many decisions to make, and a combination of these decisions will point us toward a new direction. Last night, I was having a small breakdown over our financial situation. I felt so typical. Just like one of all the other millions of people in the world that cries over money. So I went outside in the cold, and sat my butt right down on the patio. I let the moon shine on me, and the cold air whip around me. I held fallen leaves in my hands. At that moment, I felt unique again. I felt real. I felt alive.

When I came back in, Jason cuddled me and said, “You’re not going to get all weird and existentialist on me, are you?”

I love my silly husband, my wacky daughter, and my crazy self. Life is pretty good, when it comes down to the only things that really matter.